I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
