I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she peed on how many people?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
