It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Randomize