I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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