my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
