if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
