I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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