Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
