I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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