Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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