Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
