Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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