Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
