Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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