She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
