she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
