worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I understand Curling. That high.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
