i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
