We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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