You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
