The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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