I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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