If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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