She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
