there's paper in my vomit.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
