We're facebook friends in real life
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
