i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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