Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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