What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
