From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
