i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
In America we eat man semen.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
