he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
