Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
