Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
