Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
