I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
