1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize