Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
