Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
