Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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