It's just like the Real World with babies
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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