considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
