And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
