u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
