Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
