i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
