You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
