When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
