Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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