was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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