Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
