I can text with my tongue
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So much rum. So many feels.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
