I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
