mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
