I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
