Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
