If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
