so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
