that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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