i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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