that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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