you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
