Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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