wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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