i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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