You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
