So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
